


Unreturned love

by KristinaR415



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, M/M, Popular!Louis, Self Harm, Smut, invisible!Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-01
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2017-12-31 04:22:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1027173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KristinaR415/pseuds/KristinaR415
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my story from wattpad. They're not famous and a warning it contains self harm, abuse (sexually and hitting) and smut. Harry styles has only two friends, Niall horan and Liam payne. Harry has had a tough life. He gets abused, bullied and he's cutting, but the worst part is, that he's in love with one of his bullies. Suddenly it all takes a turn for the better. What will happen? Read the story to find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

 

_"People say it will pass._

_The pain will go away._

_The hurt will disappear._

_The scars will remain but will fade._

_The scars will vanish with time, but when is that time?_

_When will it all disappear and go away?_

_When will I get better?_

_When will my heart be unbroken?_

_Unreturned love is the worst part of my life"_

 

Harry Styles


	2. Unreturned love

I woke up this morning, like every other morning, by my annoying sister that screamed in my ear "HARRY WAKE UP. YOU HAVE SCHOOL". I growled "I'm up. Now go!" I heard the door slam shut. I rolled around in bed, trying to fall asleep again, but in vain. I got up, against my will, got dressed and walked downstairs. I made sure to cover up my wrists; I sat down at the kitchen table and ate the breakfast in front of me. When I was done, I put the bowl in the dishwasher. I found my phone in the living room and I put the headphones in. I put them in my ears and turned on a song. I grabbed my backpack, all packed and ready, and took my shoes on. I kissed my foster mum and my biological sister goodbye and yelled over the music in my headphones "goodbye have a nice day!” I walked out the door and began my daily walk for school. I couldn't wait for school and my bullies *sarcastic voice *. I hate my life. I get bullied every day. No one knows, except for Niall my best friend, and no one cares, again except Niall and maybe my family - scratch my family, my foster dad does horrible things to me and, because of me, only me - but the only one I want to care, Louis Tomlinson, is one of my bullies. I've been in love with him for years, but does he care about me? Not the slightest. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention, I'm openly gay and proud of it, not, I came out by accident, but didn't deny it, why should I? There's no reason to. It would've come out someday anyway, so why wait?

I opened the school doors and got run over by a little blond boy. I dropped on my back and let out a little whine when I did. I dropped my phone and backpack. I searched for my phone and let out my breath when I found it. I let it slip down in my pocket. "Niall you bloody blond! Be careful!" I yelled while I was on my knees, collecting my school books. "Sorry mate. I was just happy you turned up today" he replied. I nodded, but I almost didn't turn up. It was only because of my annoying, but loving, big sister that I got up this morning. I got up on my feet and saw the most horrible, or beautiful, group of guys coming towards me. I got terrified and ran inside only to bump into the most beautiful boy ever. I panicked and tried to run past him, but someone grabbed my wrist and I whimpered, out of pain. I just cut that wrist last night, yeah I cut and so, and it was still sore. I was trying to get out of his grip, but he held it tight. I was still trying to figure out, why I was in love with him. We were best friends in secondary school, but that changed, when my parents got in an accident and died. He helped me through it, but suddenly he became distant and we lost contact. He moved and I got adopted with my sister, we said we wanted to stick together, 'either you take both of us or none of us' that's what we used to say. I closed my eyes and opened them slowly. I saw right into those sea green eyes, which were once filled with love and only love, filled with hate and disgust. What happened to him? He once couldn't be a second without me and now he was disgusted with me and he knew all along, that I was gay. What changed? I saw right into his eyes and I saw him staring into mine. I gulped and saw over his shoulder, that his 'gang' was coming towards us. I gave up fighting and just stood there with my wrist in his firm grip. I closed my eyes for a second and when I opened them, Bradford Bad Boi aka. Zayn Malik was standing right in front of me and Louis was now behind me and had his arms around my waist. Is it completely inappropriate that this situation turns me on? Is it? I would've guessed it was. I was about to get beaten up by my crush and his 'gang'. Zayn stared at me with hate and... was that regret, no way Bradford Bad Boi doesn't regret a thing or does he? I need to think about that. He let his hand ball into a fist and let it swing backwards, only to swing it forwards again and let it collide with my jaw. Louis tightened his grip on me to keep me standing and Zayn now punched my stomach. It's not something I've tried before, not at all *sarcastic voice*. He punched my jaw and stomach multiple times before "okay Bad Boi, that's enough" said Louis behind me and let go of me only to see me fall on my knees and get on all four. I coughed and tried to catch my breath. "You should get that checked out... faggot. Or would you rather want him to do it again" he leaned down to my ear and whispered "you would like that, wouldn't you? It turns you on to get beaten up every day. I bet your dad manhandles you and your pretty little ass every fucking night and that you like it. You little whore". He got up and left me speechless. He never said anything like that to me before. I looked around and saw that everyone was staring at me and was all untouched by the scene that was just unfolded right before their eyes. I got up on my knees and eventually on my feet. I looked around only to see that everything was back to normal, everyone was talking amongst themselves including the ' gang'. I turned around only to bump into a small blond boy. I was about to scream but caught it in my throat. I gulped and looked in Niall's hands, my backpack. I let a smile creep on my lips "thanks, mate" I said and I grabbed the backpack. I looked behind Niall and saw Liam, Niall's boyfriend. I waved at him and he got closer. Niall looked at me with a puzzled look, but caught it, when a couple of hands covered his eyes. "Guess who," said Liam, Niall hummed "Is it Santa?" I rolled my eyes and "I know it's you, so drop the act" said Niall. Was he smarter than we thought? Probably. He got the hands away and before turning around he said: "It's Liam Payne, my smart and beautiful boyfriend". He turned around and kissed Liam. I slowly backed away and into the men's room. I looked into the mirror. That's gonna leave some bruises. I laid my backpack on the ground and lifted my shirt; more bruises; like I didn't have enough.


	3. Abuse

I had an exciting day, not even a little. I had to leave late after school because I had to get the daily Niam, Niall and Liam, pep talk. I opened the front door, careful not to do it too loud. I walked inside and closed it slowly. I let out a breath; I didn't wake him because if I woke him up, I would be in deep shit. I took my shoes off and tiptoed over the living room floor, only to see my foster dad lying on the couch. I held my breath and went up the stairs, but of course, I had to drop my backpack and let it fall onto the floor with a big BUMP. My foster dad woke up and fell onto the floor; now I was fucked. I went back down the stairs, grabbed my backpack, and went for the stairs again, but got stopped by a hand colliding with stomach and I dropped my backpack; like I said, I've never tried that before. I rolled my eyes at my lame comment. "Are you rolling your eyes at me?" my foster dad asked and I shook my head frantically. He laughed at it and took my arm in a tight grip. He began waking up the stairs and in that moment, I knew what was coming; he was going to abuse me, sexually. We finished the last step, he opened my bedroom door, because he never did it in his own bed, mum could find out. I got thrown on the bed and got my clothes ripped off, another great outfit ruined. I let him do it with a blank expression on my face; he's been doing this since I was 12 and now I'm 16, so that gives 4 years of abuse, both sexually and hitting. In those 4 years, I've been in love with my bully and I've forgiven him every day, but I don't know if I can keep it up. I don't know if, I can keep living. I don't think I'm strong enough, at least not anymore. I was strong before all this began, but now I'm weak and fragile. My foster dad, maybe we should call him by name, Carl, took off his clothes and gestured for me to do something with his erection. I got up from the bed and got in front of him. I've learned that it's best to obey him because he just hits me when I disobey him. I slowly let my hand get around it and began pumping. I got down on my knees in front of him and let my tongue tease his tip. Carl moaned and got his hands in my curls. I got tears in my eyes because that hurt; his grip was too rough. I let my hands grip onto his hips and my mouth took him in inch by inch, until he was all the way in. He held my hair tight and started fucking my mouth. It was all the way in, literally; I deep throated him or him, me, because I did nothing. He moaned loudly and suddenly something came in my mouth. I imagined it was Louis' sperm and swallowed. It didn't taste good, neither did it taste bad. I took my mouth off of him and got back on the bed. He got between my legs, yep no preparation; I always prepared myself after he did it the last time. I prepared myself after his rape last night. I screamed when he got inside of me, not out of pain, well pain from last night, but from the pleasure. It wasn't like making love it was more like a good, rough, fuck. He pumped inside of me hard and fast. He moaned like crazy, but I just lied beneath him and said nothing. I looked at his black, straight hair, I looked in his brown eyes and I closed my eyes. I imagined he had brown, a little curly hair and sea green eyes. I imagined Louis was during this to me and I began moaning. Carl quickened his pace and I held onto the sheets. He hit something inside of me, but I held it in; he was to decide when I can come. I opened my eyes and saw him grip onto my arm and that was the sign. He came inside me and I came all over us while screaming out a random name. He took himself out of me and went to the bathroom. I lied in bed imagining how it would be if it had been with Louis. I think it would have been slow and careful, loving and gentle. I would've loved that more than being fucked so roughly. Carl came into my room again only in a towel and he came over to me; didn't I do it well enough? He stood in front of the bed and motioned for me to stand up and I did. "I didn't give you permission to imagine someone else in my place, did I?" oh no, he figured it out. Did I scream his name or something? Now that I mention it, I think, I did.  "N-no" I answered "then why did you scream out 'Louis'?" oh shit, busted; I've been imagining it was Louis for quite some time, just to get some pleasure out of it too. "I disobeyed you," I said with my head down and looking on my feet. Carl took my jaw and lifted my head. He looked straight into my eyes "you know what that means?" he asked. I nodded and mumbled,  "the belt" he nodded with a smirk on his face. He motioned for my boxers and I got them on. He took a quick trip to his bedroom and came back with a belt. I got on my knees and he stood behind me. He swung it in the air and onto my, already scarred, back. He did that a few times more and slammed the door shut, leaving me bleeding and crying. That's one of the many reasons, why I hate my life. I got my boxers off, went to the bathroom, locked the door, turned the shower on really warm water and got under it. I lifted the shampoo up only to see one of my, many beloved, razors. I took it in my hand. Niall would be disappointed if I told him, but I'm not going to lie to him, so I'm telling him tomorrow. I let the water wash away the blood on my back and I put the razor to my, already scarred too, wrist and dragged it over the skin, drawing a small line of red along it. I let the pain pour into my veins; it felt good, it always did. I did the same thing a couple of times and repeated the process on my other wrist.

I opened the school door, only to see a happy Niall come running towards me. I held out my arms and he ran right into them and embraced me as I embraced him. I hid my face in his shoulder. I had to tell him. "Niall, Carl did it again last night and he found out about the imagining. He punished me the usual way and... I cut myself again. I'm so sorry" I said; he knew everything about me and my family. He stiffened and then relaxed again "I know a way to cheer you up. The soccer team has a game after school. Wanna come?" he asked I smiled into his shoulder "of course, that's always a yes" I replied. Louis was on that team and so was Liam, but Liam didn't do as Louis and his 'gang' did. The rest of the 'gang' was also on the team. They were all equally popular, but Liam wasn't a bully, which made him a little less popular. I let go of Niall and saw the 'gang' approach. I smiled at Niall and he looked behind himself and gave me a bright smile while squeezing my shoulder. He left me and I went to my locker. I got my books for first class and my locker got slammed in my face. I turned around and stood face to face with Louis. He let his hands be on each side of my head and leaned towards my ear. "I know your foster dad; I know what he does to you. You deserve it you little slut" he whispered in my ear. I ignored the pain in my chest and he grabbed me by my collar and slammed me against my locker. I let out a scream of pain and fell to my knees. I looked up and met those sea green eyes. They were filled with pain and... what? Guilt too. I looked down and saw their feet walk away. I saw a pair of shoes and knew who they belonged to; Niall and Liam. They both took an arm and helped me up. I brushed the dirt off my clothes and winced in pain when I stood straight up. The boys held, tightly, onto me. I slowly straightened my back and cursed Carl very far away. I hated him and I have since the very first rape. The boys got in front of me and looked after anything out of the ordinary. I took a hold of a wrist each and dragged them to the men's room. I let go of them and looked under the booth's and found no one; it's now or never. I took my shirt off and gave them a perfect view of my wrists, stomach and, when I turned around, back. They both gasped and I took it on again. I faced them and saw that Niall was close to tears and Liam looked stunned. "You're foster dad did that to you?" Liam asked "he made the scars on my back and stomach, but the wrists, I did myself" I answered. Both Niall and Liam nodded. I opened the door again and saw Zayn standing right In front of me. "There you are" he grabbed one of my wrists and I whimpered; I had just cut there the day before. He looked at me surprised and tugged my sleeve up. He let go of me as fast as he grabbed me. I looked at him, stunned and speechless. He turned around and was quiet the rest of the day. WTF?


	4. Looking the other way

I was looking forward to the game after school, but one of the reasons were: Louis played and the second were: Liam played, which meant Niall would defiantly be there to watch, which meant I wasn't all alone. I cheered for both Louis and Liam, I mean Liam is kind of my friend because he's my best friends boyfriend and we kind of hang out daily, so I have two friends, lucky me *sarcastic voice*. I looked to the left and saw Louis kissing that little slut of a cheerleader, Eleanor, his girlfriend. I looked away with a sting in my chest and my eyes. Why did this happen to me? Why me? Don't I have enough pain? Now I have to live with an unreturned and unhappy love; I mean the feeling of being in love, was the next best thing in my life, only overpowered by Niam. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I did that a few times and reopened my eyes, only to see a concerned Niall right in front of me. I flinched a little and hugged him, to reassure him, that I was okay, even though I wasn't. I heard a loud yell and stiffened by the recognition of the voice "now that little slut is hitting on Niall!" I heard Liam yell back at him "you stupid asshole, they're best friends and why do you care?! You only make Harry's life miserable!" I turned to look at Louis and saw him stiffen, but only in a blink of an eye. Immediately after, he walked towards the ball and was waiting for the coach to whistle in his whistle. The coach made sure they were standing correctly and whistled the game to begin and so they did. I followed Louis with my eyes and glanced sometimes over at Liam; I had to support him a little too. I mean he’s my friend after all. I sat the same place the whole time and got up every time we scored a goal. I always sat back down and whimpered every time, because of that fucking pain in my ass. At the end of the game, I got enough of it and decided to stay standing. Niall saw me standing as the only one amongst the crowd, so he stood up as well; I love that boy. I smiled at him and Louis scored the winning goal. I screamed at the top of my lungs with everyone else that was seeing the game. I got quiet, said goodbye to Niall, remembered him to say congrats to Liam for me and went for the exit. I got out of the stadium and started my walk home, in darkness.

I opened the door and closed it silently behind me. I took off my shoes and went for the kitchen. I got an apple and went to my room. I ate the apple and started writing a song. Yeah, I write songs and I sing too, even though the only one that thinks I have a good voice is Niall, maybe Liam and Gemma too. I got my guitar out from under my bed and started playing the accords. I started to sing the song I just started writing. I only had a few verses, but I sang it anyway

 _Shut the door, turn the light off_  
_I wanna be with you_  
I wanna feel your love  
I wanna lay beside you  
I cannot hide this even though I try  
  
Heart beats harder  
Time escapes me  
Trembling hands touch skin  
It makes this harder  
And the tears stream down my face  
  
If we could only have this life for one more day  
If we could only turn back time

I got an Idea and wrote it down while I sang it. I wrote all the lyrics down and ended with a finished song. I started from where I stopped. 

 _[Chorus]_    
_You know I'll be_    
_Your life, your voice your reason to be_    
_My love, my heart_    
_Is breathing for this_    
_Moments in time_    
_I'll find the words to say_    
_Before you leave me today_    
  
_Close the door_    
_Throw the key_    
_Don't wanna be reminded_    
_Don't wanna be seen_    
_Don't wanna be without you_    
_My judgement is clouded_    
_Like tonight's sky_    
  
_Hands are silent_    
_Voice is numb_    
_Try to scream out my lungs_    
_It makes this hard boy_    
_And the tears stream down my face_    
  
_If we could only have this life for one more day_    
_If we could only turn back time_    
  
_[Chorus]_    
_You know I'll be_    
_Your life, your voice your reason to be_    
_My love, my heart_    
_Is breathing for this_    
_Moments in time_    
_I'll find the words to say_    
_Before you leave me today_    
  
_Flashes left in my mind_    
_Going back to the time_    
_Playing games in the street_    
_Kicking balls with my feet_    
_Dancing on with my toes_    
_Standing close to the edge_    
_There's a pile of my clothes_    
_At the end of your bed_    
_As I feel myself fall_    
_Make a joke of it all_    
  
_[Chorus]_    
_You know I'll be_    
_Your life, your voice your reason to be_    
_My love, my heart_    
_Is breathing for this_    
_Moments in time_    
_I'll find the words to say_    
_Before you leave me today_    
  
_You know I'll be_    
_Your life, your voice your reason to be_    
_My love, my heart_    
_Is breathing for this_    
_Moment in time_    
_I'll find the words to say_    
_Before you leave me today_

I heard a door slam open and I quickly hid my guitar and went downstairs. I saw Gemma, my mum and ...Carl *note that I thought it with disgust*. I sat on a chair in the kitchen and Gemma gave me a hug from behind. She whispered in my ear: “we heard you sing. It was amazing, but I don’t think Carl though the same” she let go and I sighed. I now knew what was coming. I got up and Carl took a hold of my wrist and gave me a slap across my cheek. I let out a yelp and looked at my mum and sister for help, but they looked the other way, literally looked the other way. They were looking in the living room and not at the scene in front of them or... behind them. Carl dragged me up the stairs and into my bedroom, but not before he got a hold of a belt. He threw me on the floor and I turned around, got up and took off my shirt. I got on my knees and waited for what was coming. He swung the belt back and let it collide with my back. He did that a few times and stopped only to get close to my ear “that’s what you get for singing with that awful voice of yours”. He stepped back and got out of the room. I fell onto my stomach and closed my eyes only to get a flashback.

_I was at a party, don’t know why. Niall was going with Liam and they thought it would be good for me. I still don’t know why I let them take me. Maybe it was because of Niall’s irresistible puppy dog eyes. Yep, that’s why I was here. I looked around and didn’t see Niam. They just left me about an hour ago and we got here two ago. I just drank another beer and felt the alcohol take over my body and I really had to pee. I went to the bathroom and did my business. I washed my hands and saw a smirking face in the mirror. I recognised that smirk; it was Louis. I turned around “hi Louis, why are you smirking?” I asked, “I’m smirking because you’re here” he answered simply. I furrowed my brows and look puzzled at him, but shrugged it off and tried to get past him, with press on ´tried´. He got a hold of my wrist, locked the door, and slammed me against a sink. I looked questioning at him and he started kissing me. I didn’t hesitate; I mean he was my crush after all. He grabbed my ass and got me up on the sink. He begged for entrance and I gave it. I got my legs around him and we got all heated up. We took off each other’s clothes and he prepared me. He penetrated me slowly and like he cared about me. He let me adjust and give him permission before he began to move. I moaned uncontrollably and he kissed my neck. He made many love bites and I made a few on him. I would never forget this night; the night I got drunk, got fucked by Louis and he did it gently like he cared about me._

Omg, I had forgotten. That was a year ago and I forgot it, even though I promised myself not to. I was probably too drunk, but why did I remember that now off all times. I got up and looked at my calendar; a year ago... tomorrow. It will be a year ago tomorrow. Let´s not hope he remembers.


	5. 'Beat Harry Day'

_Louis Point of view_

I was planning something huge for this school day.  It was huge for me and my boys, but I don’t think it will be for the one we plan on doing it to. Yep, I think you guessed it; we want to do something huge to Harry, little innocent Harry, well I know for a fact that he isn’t all that innocent. I remember a year ago, exactly a year ago today; I was drunk but sober enough to know what I did. I fucked Harry and that little... forgot it. He forgot, but I never did, I remember and it’s been haunting me for the past year. I fucked him and I still don’t know why. I remember back when we were friends, I had a crush on him and he was openly gay and proud. I was confused about my sexuality and my feelings. I thought he liked me back, but guess what, he didn’t and that broke my heart. I distanced myself from him and then I moved and lost contact. I came here to start a new life and then he comes here and invades it. He had to get foster parents in this town, yes, I know about his foster parents. I just want him gone. He broke my heart and now he’s going to pay. It’s payback time.

I opened the school door and almost got ran over by that little Irish blond guy; Liam’s boyfriend. Better stay away from him or I’m getting in trouble with Liam and believe me that’s not a good thing. I tried it once and it didn’t turn out well for me or my boys. I ignored him and saw a mop of curls ahead; I could recognise those curls everywhere/anywhere. It was Harry. I found my boys and nodded at Harry. They came over to me and we approached Harry. Now you’re gonna pay. I got in front of him and took a hold of him around his back. He whimpered, wimp, and got tears in his eyes; I almost felt sorry. I slammed him against the lockers and came close to his ear. “You like being manhandled? You like how your foster dad treats you and you like the pain, right? You like to get all beaten up and roughly fucked, but you know what? You’re a wimp and you’re pathetic and weak. You’re more fragile than I remember and you need to pay” I whispered in his ear. He furrowed his brows and looked puzzled at me. I shrugged it off and swung my arm back to let it collide with his face. I felt guilty immediately “Zayn!!” I yelled and he came right beside me “what is it?” he asked. I got Harry off the lockers and stood behind him, to hold him up “hit him with all you got” I said and Harry tried to get away, but I tightened my grip on him. He relaxed and Zayn hit him the first time. I pushed the guilt aside, now it was payback time. Payback’s a bitch and now you’ll feel that Harry Styles.

_Harry’s Point of view_

I wanted to 1. Fight back, 2. Run away or 3. Ask why the hell they were doing this to me. I felt Zayn’ fist collide with my chin and I choked in a whimper. He didn’t need to see me suffer and be a wimp, more than I already had been. I just wanted Louis to let me go and let me forget about this, only for me to forgive him once again and then regret it immediately after. I tried to think of Niam, Gemma and mum. I thought about good things, happy things. I almost forgot about the pain, but not fully. I got punched in the gut and felt Louis tightened his grip and loosen it almost in a blink of an eye. I just want this to stop, all of it. I eyed my backpack at the floor and thought of the razor lying in the little room in front. I just wanted that in my hand, so I could cut and feel better. I just wanted to be set free. I wanted happiness and people loving me. I felt my legs give under and feel onto my knees. I saw Louis walk away, but not before, I saw a pained look in his eyes. What is going on with these boys? I got up and quickly got my backpack. I went to the men’s room and sat in a booth. I sat in front of the toilet and tugged up my sleeve. I opened my backpack, got the razor and started cutting over the toilet; we don’t want blood all over the place. I felt the relive hit me every time the razor hit my skin. I felt the stinging on my skin, but it felt good. I got some toilet paper and wiped the blood off. I also wiped off my beloved razor. I got it back in my backpack and got out in the hallway again. I saw a mop of blond and suddenly my back hit the ground and I screamed out of pain. It was like Carl’s belt hit me all over again and I felt the stinging, but it made me feel better. I looked up and into a pair of blue eyes; Niall’s eyes. He took a hand out for me to take and I did. He pulled me up and I brushed off my clothes. “Why did you scream?” he asked worried “the belt,” I said and I knew he would know, what I meant. He looked pained and about to burst into tears. I hugged him and said calming things in his ear. It helped and then Liam came and took over. I walked to class and sat in the back as usual. I looked out the window. “Mr Styles? Mr Styles!?” I flinched at the high voice and directed my eyes on the teacher the voice belonged to “yes?” “Do you know the answer to this equation?” she asked and I took a glance at it, easy, and went back to looking out the window “x equals 23” I answered and she gasped along with every other student in the class; I guess it was correct and I knew it was. I’m not bragging or anything, but I’m pretty smart.  I know that and almost every teacher knows that. She gave us some tasks to do and I made them in 5 minutes. I said, I was done and she looked at me stunned and went through it only to find out it was flawless, so she made me help those students that needed it. I did and every one of them was actually pretty smart too but had some issues with equations. I went over to a student with a raised hand and didn’t take my time to see who it was. “So, what’s the problem?” I asked as I reached his table “I can’t figure out this equation?” he pointed at an easy one and I furrowed my brows; I knew that voice, it belonged to Louis. I looked up and it was good enough, it was him. I gulped and went back to the equation. “You have to find out what x is and you do that by deciding which side you want all the x's on,” he wrote down the equation and pointed at a side. “You make the number without an x disappear, by either multiplying or subtracting the number with itself on each side” he did that and then he just made the rest by himself. I frowned; why did he need my help if he already knew how to solve it? “Now you can just do that with all the other equations, then you’ll be fine,” I said, as I began to walk away, but got stopped by Louis. He pulled me beside him and whispered in my ear “so now you’re smart too? I guess I should’ve known. You always do your homework and never complain or ask for help. You’re just the typical nerd every school has, except your style of clothes. You’re a faggot and a nerd that’s two in one, I just got a bingo” he said and let me go. I sat back down on my own seat and shot up when the clock rung to lunch. I made my way to the cafeteria but got pushed against the wall. I looked into those beautiful sea green eyes and shivered. He had his hands on each side of my face and then he stepped beside me and Zayn appeared. He punched me everywhere he could. I got on my knees and he kicked my back. I screamed and got up as fast as the lightning.  I grabbed him and pinned him against the wall “I’m sick and tired of your name calling and your beating; I’ve got enough of that for the rest of my life! I just want to be left alone and forgotten! I want you to stay away from me!” I said and I was pretty surprised at my own courage. I let him go, gave him a death glare and went to lunch, but not without noticing the students that stared surprised at me. I ignored them and kept walking. I felt good. I just stood up for myself. I smiled like a maniac and waved happily at Niam. This day just got better.


	6. Surprise!

I did my daily routine and went to school. I was expecting everyone to call me names or punch me, but all they did was whisper when I walked past them. What are they whispering about? I just shrugged it off and continued my walk for class. I bumped into someone and dropped my books. I cursed under my breath and bowed down to pick them up and someone held out one of my books for me to take; I did and I got up. “Thanks,” I said and looked at the person. I nearly dropped my books again, because that someone was Louis. I looked down and went for class. I sat down in the back and did the thing I always did; looked out the window. I pursed my ears for what the teacher said and listened to her soft, yet high, feminine, and lulling voice. I suddenly heard a chair replace itself somewhere near me. I looked in that direction and saw Louis and never in my wildest dreams (A/N See what I did there. BSE woop woop) had I imagined he would sit next to me. I looked at the teacher and she was giving us an assignment. We had to work in pair and she wrote the pairs on the blackboard. I searched for my name and found it next to Louis’. I sighed; now I had to work with him, maybe I could persuade the teacher ...“and there’s no way to get another partner or work alone” she said...or him if I had to. We got a paper each with the assignment written down. We had to write about a famous historical person. I already had my eyes on one. I got up slowly and walked over to Louis and saw him talking with his friends. I stood in front of him and he looked up at me questioning “Louis I can already tell you, that you have to do absolutely nothing regarding this project. I’m going to do it all and it’s not because I feel the need to, it’s because I don’t want you to screw it up and make us get a bad grade. So just stay away from the topic” he nodded and went back to talking with his friends. I didn’t hang there; I went to my seat, sat down, and brought forth my laptop. I searched for Caroline Mathilda; former queen of Denmark.

I closed my laptop as the clock rung, got my backpack, and ran out of the classroom with the speed of a lightning. I got to the cafeteria and spotted a little Irish blond. I sat down next to him. “Where’s Liam?” I asked, surprised that he wasn’t there yet. “He’s got some homework he has to do, so he’s going to use the lunch” I shrugged and took out a bottle of water. I drank the whole bottle and threw it back in my backpack. “Harry, you gotta start eating something. It’s not healthy for you” he sounded concerned, but of course, he did, he’s my best friend and he loves me, but the one I want to love me, doesn’t.  It’s killing me to know that he’ll never feel the same. I felt the urge to cut and heard my razor call for me to just do it. I excused myself and went to the men’s room. I got in a booth and let the blade run over my skin and instantly felt the pain and relieve. I let the blood drip onto the toilet water. I cut three small lines and let them bleed. I closed my eyes and let the happiness rush over me. I heard someone come into the toilet, but ignored it; I recall locking the door- I heard someone grab the handle and the door opened-... or not. I panicked, hid my hand and slammed the toilet seat down. I looked up and saw those magically hypnotising eyes looking down on me. I felt the blood drip down my arm and onto the floor. Louis looked surprised at me and then he did something surprising and over my limit; he got a hold of my bleeding wrist and swung it forth from behind my back. I closed my eyes and heard a gasp mixed with a whimper. I felt my hand hit the cold floor and I opened my eyes. I saw Louis with tears in his eyes “you changed in the wrong direction and all thanks to those parents of yours” he turned around and I heard him start sobbing, but it disappeared when he went out the door. I sat back on the floor and looked both surprised and unconvinced. He couldn’t cry because of my self-harming. He just couldn’t. He doesn’t love me or even care about me. I started sobbing by the thought. He’ll never love me like I love him. I hid my face in my hands and let my sorrow take over my body.


	7. Nice bully

_Louis’ point of view_

I actually had a lot of respect for Harry now; he stood up for himself and yelled Zayn in the face. I thought he would begin to cry and beg, maybe run away, but not yell at Zayn, never would I have imagined he did that. I really wanted to have a reason to stop the bullying and now I had it; everyone talked about Harry; how he stood up for himself with the big bad Bradford Bad Boi. He didn’t even seem scared and he screamed of pain when we slammed him against the locker. The other day I found him in the men’s room, with a razor in his hand and a bloody wrist with three cuts. I never imagined he would do something like that. So that’s what happens to someone when they get bullied and maybe abused. I don’t know, but I have my suspicion. I believe in the words I’ve said to him. Not the part where I say he deserves it. Never would I mean such a thing. I still love him and the guilt of hurting him is eating me up, but he hurt me too, he forgot. I woke up and took my clothes on. I had breakfast and went to school. I waited about 5 minutes for Zayn to come. We always met before school. I looked ahead and saw him. I waved and he ran towards me. If he just knew my sexuality, maybe I should tell him, I mean, I trust him and he’s my best friend. I took a hold of his arm and went to the back of the school. I stopped “why are we here?” he asked, “I want to tell you something and I doubt it, you’ll still be my friend” “what is it? You know you can tell me anything and I wouldn’t hate nor stop being your friend” I took a deep breath “I’m gay” I said. Zayn looked like he expected more “is that all?” “Yes?” I said puzzled. “I already knew that” WTF, how could he know that? “How?” “You always look at guys, not girls and I’ve seen how you treat Harry. You don’t want to hurt him, but because he’s gay and open about it, everyone expects you to, so you do, but with guilt and pain. I‘ve seen the guilt and pain painted on your face. You like him” OMG, he can read me like a fucking open book. “Can we go inside?” I asked and he nodded.

_Harry’s point of view_

I did my daily routine and went to school, only to get run over by an Irish blond leprechaun. I whimpered when I landed on my back; Carl had used the belt again, it turned him on to see me in pain and I hated it and him. I just lay there and waited for the pain to disappear. Niall looked questioning down on me and then he held out a hand and I took it. I stood up and felt dizzy. Niall got beside me and held around me. “I can’t handle seeing you like this. I’m going to do something. You can’t continue to live with them. You need to get another guardian” “I can’t. Carl won’t allow it” “that’s what a court is for. We can go to court and find out whom to give the custody to. I wonder who”  I rolled my eyes. I already knew the answer and so did he. I saw ‘the gang’ came towards us and I started to panic. No, not now, not ever again, but I wanted answers. I need to confront them. I stiffened and waited for them to come.  They stopped right in front of me and I stepped forward.  I gathered all my courage “why did you attack me the other day?  Was it because of what happened a year ago on that day?” I saw surprise, guilt and pain in his eyes. He sighed and leaned forward. His mouth was right beside my ear “yes, you forgot, but I never did.  It’s haunted me for the last year” I stiffened; he didn’t forget, he felt guilt for doing it and... he was crushed. We lost touch and I never forgave him for that; that’s the only thing I’ve never forgiven him for. I looked around us and saw a lot of students around us; watching and listening in to every word said. I got close to his ear “you’re right, I forgot, but now I remember and I’m never going to forget. Oh, and the project’s done and it turned out great” I turned around and left him with his mouth open and a thousand questions.  He didn’t even come near me the rest of the day.  He even left a note in my locker, but you’re going to wait, finding out what that contained. Don’t worry you’ll find out soon.


	8. A new friend

Okay, you’re probably dying, to know what the note said. Well here it comes:

_Hey Harry_

_I didn’t exactly know what to write, so I’m just coming up with it along the way. “Apologising doesn’t always mean that you’re wrong and the other person is right. It means that you value your relationship more than your ego”. I hope you get that and I hope you can forgive me for all my mistakes and wrong choice of words.  “The man who forgives is far stronger than the man who fights”. I know you’re strong enough, even though you doubt yourself. You can forgive, but not forget. You’ll probably never forget the harsh words that were thrown at you, but listen to this: “‘I can forgive but I cannot forget’, is only a way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note- torn in two and burned up so that it can never be shown against one”.  “Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong”. “The best way to escape the past is not to avoid or forget it, but to accept and forgive it”. I hope you understand the quotes-of course you do, you probably read poetry a lot- you’re smart enough to understand, that, I know, but are you strong enough to forgive and try to pick up the remaining pieces of our friendship? I’m sorry for the pain I caused you and I hope you’ll forgive me. “Where there’s a will there’s a way”._

_Love Louis_

Awww, wasn’t that sweet? I’ve been thinking about it all night and morning and I’ve made my decision. I went to school as normal, but I tried to find ‘the gang’ so I could talk to Louis. I looked by his locker and there he was, standing with his friends. I walked up to them and cleared my throat to get their attention. “Louis, I’ve been thinking and I made my decision” I paused and saw a glint of hope in his eyes “I’m stronger than I think and I can’t forget the past, but I’m willing to let it be a bystander and not take over my life. I’m willing to pick up the pieces of what left of our previous friendship. I forgive you” I said and looked into Louis' eyes only to see him have a wide smile on his face and eyes that shined with happiness. “I knew you had the strength and will to forgive, but I doubled it for a second. Never going to do that again” he said. I smiled “I missed your dimples,” Louis said and I blushed. I hid my face in my hands and Louis hugged me. I hesitated but hugged back. I inhaled his scent and it felt like I was in heaven. I missed being this close to him. I missed our friendship and closeness. I sighed and pulled back. I shot Louis a smile and was about to walk away when someone grabbed my wrist and I whined in pain. I gulped down other sounds and looked up; Zayn was holding my wrist. He let go as soon as I looked up. I looked questioning at him “we’re sorry too. We were just following Louis’ orders and thought ‘what the heck, let’s do it’. We didn’t think of the consequences. We just did it and we’re really sorry for everything” he said. I smiled at him “it’s okay. If I had been in your place, I would have done the same thing. I forgive all of you” Zayn smiled and pulled me in for a hug. “You won’t regret it” he whispered. I laughed and pulled away. I smiled at every one of them and turned around. I saw everyone staring at us and just ignored it as I walked over to Niam. “Hey, how is your day so far?” I asked, with a smile on my face “why are you so smiley today?” Niall asked, curious, “Ohh, not a specific reason, I just forgave Louis and his friends, Louis and I are friends again, oh and Carl wasn’t home yesterday or this morning, so yay me” I put my arms in the air and smiled. “I love the happy you. I wish Carl was never born” Niall said. I think it was a bit harsh, but I wished the same thing “then we have the same wish” I said and swung my arm around his shoulder and began walking. “Hey, aren’t you forgetting someone?” Liam asked “who would that be? Niall, do you know?” I asked “nope” he answered “,”then that someone isn’t that important” I looked back and saw Liam pouting and with his arms crossed “Don’t worry Leeyum, it was just a joke. Come over here or you’re going to ruin my mood!” I said and he ran over to us, faster than you would have thought, and swung his arm over Niall’s other shoulder and my arm. This day was the best day in a long time.

I walked to the cafeteria and Louis waved me over to his table. I sat down and smiled at him. “How is your day so far?” I asked him and took out a bottle of water, “it’s been great. We had a substitute in English and ended up doing nothing because he had nothing we could do” they laughed and I laughed with them; I actually only laughed because Louis’ laugh was contagious. I saw Niam and wanted them to get over here, but was unsure, if it was okay with the others “do you mind if Niall and Liam come sit with us?” I asked and the table became quiet. They did like a circle-group-thingy and mumbled amongst each other. They parted “yes they can sit here” I fought back a scream of joy “Niam over here!!” I yelled at them. They debated it for a few seconds and then shrugged. They made their way over here and sat down. “Could someone spare some food, because I’m starving?” I giggled, the others laughed and I took out my lunch. “You can have mine, I’m not that hungry,” I said as I handed it to him. He looked a little concerned and then he took it. I gulped down the water and put the empty bottle in my backpack. “Anyone up for babysitting? My mum says I need one because every time I’m home alone, there’s no food left in the house and apparently that’s a bad thing” Niall said, all of us cracked up laughing “we’re gonna be good friends” Louis said after drying his tears away. I glanced at him and saw his beautiful smile, maybe this is going to be harder than I thought. I felt my legs become jelly and my smile to widen. I didn’t know what to say and my thoughts were all about: LouisLouisLouisLouis, his smile, his hair, his eyes, his body, and his voice. This is going to be really hard, but I’ll manage as long as I’m near him, I’m happy.


	9. Custody

I came home like normal and closed the door, only to hear a big bump. I looked at the couch and saw Carl on the floor. Now my rape was rescheduled to... 1... 2 “you should close the door more carefully next time! Now I need to punish you” ...3. He grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs. He did his business and of course slapped me with the belt. I lied on the floor, bleeding, hurting and thinking of Louis. I walked into the bathroom and showered. I felt my razor call for me and did the thing I both hated and loved; I self-harmed, by cutting. I washed the blood away and finished. I got clothes on and sat on my bed. I have to get away from here. I can’t handle this life anymore. I’m killing myself. I don’t eat; I self-harm and I have scars, on my body and in my mind, for life. I can’t change, but I might as hell try. I walked downstairs, grabbed an apple and ate it with difficulty. I went to my room and waited for dinner time. I lied on my bed a few hours and heard someone yell: “Honey, could you make dinner today? I’m not really up for it” “sure!” I yelled back and got downstairs. I made dinner and ate a little too. My mother and sister looked at me shocked and surprised. “What has gotten into you, Harry? You never eat dinner” my mum asked “I just want to be healthy and feel good” I answered and excused myself from the dinner table. Carl said nothing about it, but I know he thinks I’m nothing and worth nothing. I went to bed with a smile on my face and a full stomach.

  
I woke up and did my routine; except I ate a little more breakfast than usual and I packed a little lunch. I need to become normal and eat like every other human being. I packed it and made my way to school, happy and full of energy. I almost sprinted to school and ran, for once in my life the other way around, into Niall and flipped us onto the floor. He looked happier than I was and I wouldn’t ruin it. I lifted myself off of Niall and stood up. I helped Niall up and brushed off my clothes. I began walking and Niall followed. “I have great news for you Harry” I smiled “what is it?” “I went to the police and got all the information about custody cases as I need. I just filed a case against Carl to get custody over you” I fought back the urge to jump up and down, but failed miserably and Niall jumped with me. “I’m so happy, now I can get away from that hell of a life and finally become more normal” “wow, you have energy today. Did you drink cola or something?” “Nope, I ate a whole bowl of oatmeal this morning” Niall stopped jumping and so did I. “You ate a whole bowl by yourself and didn’t throw any of it out?” “Nope, I ate all of it”. He hugged me tight and I whimpered as he had his arms around my back. “Niall, could you please be careful. Carl used the belt yesterday” I whispered in his ear. He let go of me and looked pissed. “I really want to do something drastic to that man; like kill him or just use his own belt against him” hmm, I like his ideas, but that would be wrong and that would make us as bad as him. “Niall, that would make you as bad as him” “yeah, you’re right and I’m nothing like him” “I know you couldn’t hurt a fly, but you could hurt Liam,” I thought of the night I caught them in the act. Niall had handcuffed Liam to the bed and he had a cock ring on. I shivered at the thought “what are you...? Ohhh” the last part was because I gave him a knowing look and raised my eyebrow. He blushed “that was a one time thing” I covered my ears “I don’t want to know about your sex life!” I think I actually yelled it, because everyone’s attention was on me “forget what I said, but not you Nialler!” I uncovered my ears and saw everyone’s attention turn to Louis, walking over here with Liam behind him. “Hey, Liam!” Niall yelled happy and energetic. I laughed at him and couldn’t breathe. I took me to the stomach and leaned forward. I felt someone slap my back and stopped laughing immediately and replaced it with a scream of pain. I looked beside me and saw a surprised and scared Louis. “Don’t worry. I just landed hard on my back the other day and it still hurts” he looked relieved “thank god. I thought I hurt you”. I gave him a smile and heard Niall’s phone ring. He took it, went to the side and talked a little. He came back and typed something on his phone. I felt a vibration in my pocket and picked up my phone; a text from Niall. I opened it. _That was a judge. He’s willing to take the case. It’s tomorrow at one and I already have a lawyer._ I typed a reply; _Good, can’t wait to get away from Carl._ Niall smiled at my reply and winked at me and I winked back. We all went to class and I actually ate all of the food I brought.


	10. The arguement

I woke up this morning and was feeling great. I had packed my things because we won the case and I could move over to Niall. I was collecting every razor I had hidden. I looked under my bed and found some; down in the bag with them. I decided to start fresh. Stop cutting, start eating and just become more confident. I had to keep this experience in my past and move forward towards a better future. I had to forget Carl and the things he did, even though I would have the scars for life. Scars you can never hide, forget or lose. They’ll haunt you for the rest of your life. I took my bags and suitcase and went down the stairs. I know, I hid some down here. I sat my things down and looked under the sink. “What are you doing?” asked my mum, I was shocked and hit my head on the sink. I held my head and expected a bulge to appear in no time. I turned around “I’m sorry mum, but I’ve been cutting and I’m collecting my razors” I turned around and saw it “there it was,” I said and put it in the bag. I tried remembering if I had more than those I already collected. I shrugged and put the bag in the trash. I turned towards my mum and she looked sad. “Don’t worry; I’m not cutting again anytime soon or hopefully never again” “remember to keep in touch, I’ll make sure Carl isn’t around when you do” I nodded and gave her a hug. I hugged my sister too and walked to Niall’s house. Carl was sleeping over somewhere else, so I wasn’t bothered by him and never will again. I’ll start fresh and become a new person. I knocked on the door and Niall’s mum, Maura, opened it. She hugged me and stepped aside, so I could get in. I sat my stuff in the guest room, my room, and went downstairs in the kitchen. I found Niall eating a big plate of... something I don’t know what is, but he eats everything, so he doesn’t mind. He finished and we went to school. I went to my locker, still with my backpack on my back, and hummed. I was happy for once in my life, but of course, that never lasts long in my miserable life. Louis walked over to me and asked: “I know it’s a year ago, but when we... you know, you were well stretched. Why? I mean you were 15 by that time” I felt angry and scared “you weren’t the first to do that to me” I answered with my eyes on the lock to my locker.  “You were 15, who does that before they’re 15?” “Apparently someone like me,” I said “I didn’t mean it like that. I just wanted to know if something happened to you” “something did happen, but you and everyone else was too blind to see it!” “What happened?” “I slept with someone before you, and have slept with that person multiple times! Is that what you wanted to know? That you were right about the things you said before our regained friendship!”  “I didn’t mean any of that! I don’t even know why I said it! Can’t we just forget this?” “No! You have no right to invade my privacy! We may be friends, but I don’t trust you enough yet to tell you something like that!” “I just want to know what made you like this!” that made me snap “made me like this! Made me ruin myself, my body, my mind and made me what?! Gay?! Do you think that has anything to do with what happened?! No, it hasn’t! I was gay before I knew you, hell I was gay before I even knew! I knew I shouldn’t have forgiven you! I can’t do this!” I yelled and ran away, crying, angry and devastated. I just ruined the chance of a relationship with him and along the way, my own happiness. I ran home to Niall and went straight to the guest room, got a piece of paper, a pencil and wrote a letter to Niall. I knew I had to do it, there’s no turning back, no regret, no suffering and no pain. My heart stung like a bitch and my tears ran down my cheeks and on the paper. I said I wouldn’t cut, but this is the last time and the end of my life. I finished the letter and laid it on my pillow, for Niall to find it. I opened the room, where I always had my razor, in my backpack and found it; the last of my razors, I had kept it for an emergency and this was it. I went to the bathroom, turned on the water and laid in the bathtub. I took a deep breath and drug it over my wrist, deep and dangerous. I saw the blood come out faster than ever and the pain was mesmerising. I put it in the water and saw the transparent liquid turn red. I closed my eyes, heard screaming, but ignored it.

_Louis’ Point Of View_

I just made him angry and I think he cried when he ran away. I don’t know what he’s capable of, but I’m afraid that, he’s capable of hurting himself again. He’s done it before, what’s gonna stop him from doing it again? No one. I think I’ve really done it this time, driven him over the edge, the end of his life. He may have considered it before, but now he... OMG, he’s going to commit suicide. I heard Niall’s scream ring through the hall and he ran towards me with tears in his eyes and anger boiling in him. I felt the tears sting in my eyes. He wouldn’t do that, would he? Would he kill himself, because of a stupid fight? I ran into an empty classroom, closed the door, sat down hid my face in my arms and cried. I heard someone open the door, but ignored it. I was sobbing by now and found comfort in the empty room. “Are you crying?” someone asked, concerned; Liam, definitely, Liam asked that. I didn’t answer, I couldn’t, and I just nodded “why?” Liam asked, angry, confused and sad, I lifted my head and let ‘the tears stream down my face’ (A/N A line from Moments) “I’ve been in love with Harry for as long as I can remember. I know, I haven’t exactly shown it or been nice to him, but he broke my heart, and I didn’t know how to react” “so you’re saying you’re in love with him and he broke your heart, you reacted badly and now he’s committed suicide” I froze, suicide? “He committed suicide?” I asked with a shaky and heartbroken voice. “Ups forgot to mention that” he didn’t even sound regretful and that hurt. I turned my face towards him and more tears came. He was crying too “I haven’t been nice to you, Niall or Harry and I regret that. I regret every harsh word I used against you or your friends. I had a broken heart and the one to blame I saw every day. It hurt like hell to know he would never feel the same and would never be mine” “I know the feeling, but that doesn’t give you the right to do what you did” “I was raised in the belief that love was hurtful, love was harsh words and actions. My dad abused my mum and called it love. He never abused me but taught me that, that was love. I never knew the real meaning of love until Harry came. He was so sweet, innocent and caring. He was so loving you couldn’t avoid loving him. I wanted to protect him and never hurt him. I wanted for him to be happy, but instead, I hurt him like my father hurt my mother” “that’s really messed up” I nodded and hid my face again “you know that when you’re nice to other people, they do the same to you. You just have to forget that twisted image of love you have in your head and create your own” he came over to me and made circle movements on my back. I couldn’t believe Harry did that because of me. I swung myself onto Liam and we embraced each other. Suddenly his phone rang and he got it. He talked a little and hung up. “That was Niall, Harry is okay,” he said and I sighed out of relief. I started crying again and Liam held onto me. He was okay. I haven’t got a chance to call him mine, but he’s alive and we can repair our friendship


	11. Returned love

_Harry’s Point Of View_

_A week after the attempted suicide_

I whimpered a little when my wrist grazed a locker; it was still sore after my ‘accident’. I opened my locker and put my books in there. Suddenly I got my locker slammed in my face and looked to my right, only to see a blond boy, and then he was dragging me somewhere. "Where are you taking me?" I asked, "you'll find out soon". I didn't question further, and suddenly I got pushed inside an empty Classroom, well not completely empty; Louis was there. All the memories from our argument started flowing in my mind. All the yelling, all the tears, mainly mine, and all the heartbreak "so you're in here too" I said coldly. He only nodded in response and I heard feet coming towards the door. I tried to open it; damn it, it's locked. "You should tell him what you told me and what you wrote in that damn suicide letter of yours" Said Niall "and Louis you should tell him what you told me a week ago. We can't have both of you moping around" Said Liam; great some Niam therapy. I rolled my eyes "and don't roll your eyes at me Styles" said Niall; wtf, is he a mind reader or something? I heard them walk away and I turned around to face Louis. I walked slowly over to him. "What did you tell Niall and what did you write in your suicide letter?" Louis asked, "what about you tell me, what you told Liam and I tell you, what you asked" I proposed, but his look said that he wasn't giving up, so I did. I sighed and got eye contact "I told him, that I was in love with someone and who it is. I wrote in the letter that the reason for my suicide was... unreturned love" "who are you in love with" I started backing backwards towards the wall beside the door "I'm in love with you" he got up and had a smile on his lips. He got closer, until he was right in front of me. "I told Liam that I was in love with you, and it's not a lie" he said; I believed him. I took his head in my hands "Harry?" I hummed "will you be my boyfriend?" he asked "yes" I answered. He let out a sigh of relief. "Now kiss me you fool" I said. He got closer to me and I moved my hands to rest on his neck. He had his hands around my waist. I closed my eyes and soon I felt his lips against mine. It was a sweet, gentle and loving kiss. I put all my love for him in it. Louis deepened it and I didn’t object.  I heard a sound, but ignored it. “Hey do you want to come out?” we pulled away from each other and saw Niam standing in the door. “No if you don’t mind we were actually busy” I said. We both closed the door in their faces. “Now where were we?” I asked and Louis started kissing me again. I opened my mouth slightly and he slipped his tongue inside my mouth. I moaned in the kiss and gripped some of his neck hair. I tugged on it gently and he moaned against my tongue.  I felt my skinny jeans slowly get tighter, if that was even possible. I pulled away from the kiss and started kissing Louis’ neck. I looked after his special spot and knew I had found it, when he moaned very loudly. I started sucking on that spot and pulled away to look at my masterpiece. Now I’ve marked Louis as mine. I looked him in the eyes ”Louis?” I asked “yes” “would you make love to me?” I asked shyly. Louis stiffened and then relaxed “Love I don’t want to rush this” I looked him in the eyes with pleading “please I just want to feel loved”. He slammed me against the wall and started kissing me hard and loving. I lifted my legs and got them around him. He got a hold of them and kept them up. He separated our lips and connected his with my neck to find my special spot, and when he did, mark me as his. “Mine” he said against my neck. I moaned and tipped my head to the side, to give him better access “yours” I said. I tucked on his shirt and he let me take it off of him. I looked at his muscles and began rubbing them. He moaned and I let him take off my shirt. He stopped in his tracks, when he saw my wrists.  Now he was going to ask me who had done this. Just wait for it. One, two, thr... “Who did this to you? I know you’ve been cutting, but is all that, you?” he asked, gesturing to my wrists “I did all of it myself” I replied and he looked at me stunned. “I’ve had a rough time, so I started cutting and it’s not all the bullying’s fault”. I got down from his waist, and took off his jeans and boxers. I got down on my knees, took a good look at him, he was big, and took a hold of it. I let my tongue swirl around his tip and heard he moaned loudly. I let him slip into my mouth, inch by inch and started bobbing my head, when he was all the way in. “Fuck Harry. You have a great mouth” I smiled and hollowed my cheeks. I got eye contact with him and realized that I was giving Louis Tomlinson a blowjob and that he was moaning MY name. I felt him tug on my curls and I moaned; he didn’t do it like Carl, he did it gently and lovingly. I moaned against his dick and I knew he was about to come. I bobbed my head one last time and felt him release, while taking a handful of my hair in his hands. I swallowed all of it and it tasted fantastic. I got up and Louis kissed me. “How come you are so experienced?” he asked and I gulped. He got me up against the wall and I buried my face in his neck. “You know I told you, I with a person multiple times. Well that was my foster dad, Carl. He raped me for 4 years and the first time was when I was 12” Louis tensed, I kissed his neck and he relaxed. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked hurt in his voice “I didn’t want your pity” “I’m so sorry for everything I have ever said” he said. I kissed him and he pinned me to the wall. He got my skinny jeans off, my boxers too and I sighted of the release. He looked questioning on me and I looked as questioning at him. “Are you sure about this?” he asked “yes” “okay, bottom or top?” he asked while he kissed my neck. I moaned and said “bottom” he kissed my neck once more then my lips and then he took three fingers and placed them in front of my mouth. I took them in my mouth and wetted them with my salvia. I took my legs around him again and he gently put a finger inside me. I moaned and he moved it slowly. I held tightly onto him and he began scissoring the finger and added another one. I loved this feeling; being prepared by another person. “You’re impossibly well stretched” he said “I got ra-ped f-for fo-four ye-ars. I pre-par-pared my-self every night. He was rough and ahh” I said while my moans disturbed me, and the last part was because he added a third finger, and started scissoring them and more. “I’m ready now” I said and he took his fingers out. I got on my knees and lubricated his dick with my saliva. I got up, got pinned against the wall and got my legs around Louis. He slowly started penetrating me. I started crying; not because of pain, but love. He did it so loving and slow. “Why are you crying love?” he asked “I usually got it raw, hard and rough, but you’re doing it so lovingly and I love the feeling of being loved” I replied. He kissed me and started moving. I gripped tighter onto him and moaned. He started thrusting slow and then he quickened his pace. “Ohh Louis. Fuck. Right there. Yes” all those things and more got out of my mouth. He moaned my name and curses too. I smiled and cried into his shoulder. I felt happy and more loved than ever before. He kept his pace a while longer, but quickened it, when he neared the end. I held it in, just out of habit. I think he sensed it, because he slowed it down and got close to my ear “why are you holding it in love?” “Just out of habit” “you need to get rid of that habit. Come for me babe” I moaned at the word ‘babe’; he just called me babe. He quickened his pace again and we both moaned. I got closer to my release and kissed Louis. I came all over us, untouched, like usual, and Louis came not long after, inside of me. I clung to him and panted to catch my breath. I looked around and realized that we just made love in a classroom at the school. I caught my breath and whispered in Louis’ ear “we just did it on the school grounds” he looked around and started laughing. I jumped down from him and got some paper to wipe us off with. I wiped us off and we got our clothes on. I kissed him “I love you” I said to him “I love you too” he said. I smiled and showed my dimples. I took his hand and we opened the door. How long was it unlocked? We saw a lot of students standing and looking surprised at us. I saw Niam in the crowd and waved. They saw and got over to us. “You’re all the school talks about and ...” Liam said “you were pretty loud” Niall finished. I blushed and hid my face in Louis’ shoulder. Louis tensed and I looked up; Eleanor. “Eleanor. I break up with you” He said and started walking away, but she grabbed his hand “why?” she asked, sad and confused “I’m gay and in love with someone else” he said and everyone gasped, but then clapped; no one had humiliated Eleanor like that before. We walked out of school, happy, loved, tired and had our happy ending with the love of our life.


	12. Epilogue

_“Pain disappears when happiness appears,_

_but it’ll always return._

_It will always be there,_

_you just got to have a reason to ignore it and let it fade away._

_Love is the key and the lock is your heart._

_Find the one with the key and everything is alright.”_

_“I found the one with the key and he will forever hold it and my heart._

_He will forever be the one to save me from darkness and pain”._

 

Harry styles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna change a bit in it, so it's becoming longer and more detailed and much better than it is now. I'm just not satisfied with it anymore, it's filled with errors and it's too rushed and short. I'M NOT AT ALL SATISFIED.  
> Gonna find the time to write in next vacation.


	13. Chapter 13

I'm really sorry to those who liked this, but I think it's shit, so I'm gonna write a new and better version of it. Expect it to be up soon, but I can't promise the whole story's gonna be there, just part of it. I think i'm gonna update piece by piece and I'll figure out when and everything later, because I'll soon have exams to think about and I won't have much time, but I'll make sure to remember once in a while.


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